I do what I need to do...for me!

I created this piece of artwork during a session of Community Sisters (a community art group for women) in March 2010. It is a reminder to myself (more conversations with myself!) that quite often I know what I need and I take action to meet those needs. Even if how I take that action may not be how other people perceive I should or in the way that would work for them. I can be strong with the knowledge that quite often I do know what works for me (and also that I do not need to constantly explain my actions). I just simply 'do what I need to do for me'. Of course this does not mean I am not interested in input and ideas from other people or that what I do will not change.

The photograph is of me (aged about 4?)

I wrote the words "Always Alone" in August 2005 around the time that I was realising the amount that I had shut down my emotions throughout my life and how this had impacted on me.

Always Alone

I need a childhood transplant,

Not the memories,

I have thousands of memories

Times, places, people, events

I need the feelings to go with the memories,

Feelings other than numbness, calmness, oddness,

Feeling strange, alone, disconnected.

The scared little girl,

The worried little girl,

The sad little girl,

The excited little girl,

The happy little girl

Where were you?

Why weren't you there?

I want you now.

The years have passed without you there

Physically present,

Emotionally distant.

Protecting of self.

The scared little girl couldn't be alone,

The worried little girl couldn't be alone,

The sad little girl couldn't be alone,

The excited little girl couldn't be alone,

The happy little girl couldn't be alone.

Only the numb, feeling odd little girl.

She was more powerful,

She could be alone.