2010 - the year of stepping into my life

2010

the year of stepping into my life

not a tiptoe

I jumped 

I stamped

Each day in January I will be writing a small stone like this one as I am participating in the river of stones project. I posted this small stone on my other blog, pausing to pick up small stones, this morning. As the year finishes I have been reflecting on how it has been and thinking about what 2011 may bring. 

What a year 2010 has been! Each year for the past few years I have chosen a theme for the year. I usually do this early on in the year but not necessarily before January 1st. I have been tossing a few ideas around but haven't yet decided on the theme for 2011. The theme for 2010 was 'stepping into my life'. The idea behind this being that my life was actually already there waiting for me to fully inhabit it. I didn't really need to develop new skills but instead wanted to more fully connect with what I already have. It proved to be a fantastic theme, just right for 2010. 

Often on December 31st, for the past few years anyway, I have found myself hoping that the new year will be better than the one finishing. This year, though, I am actually thinking that  if 2011 is as good as 2010 I'll be happy. There have been low points during the year for me (quite low actually) and I won't be about to complain if 2011 is better than 2010. Overall though I am very satisfied with how the year turned out for me. 

Some of the highlights:

published artwork

I had three pieces of artwork published in two of Patti Digh's books - 'Four Word Self Help' and 'Creative is a Verb'. I remember at this time last year waiting (impatiently) for the call for art. It was so exciting to participate and super exciting when I found out that my art had been chosen. I am so grateful for having had the opportunity to do this. I loved creating the art in response to the words written by Patti. 

discovering gardening


I grew some vegies in the backyard this year and discovered that it was actually lots of fun. I have always said that I am not a gardener so I was surprised when I started and found out that I actually liked it. The snow peas were a great success and I also enjoyed Silverbeet, onions, carrots, radishes, Italian parsley, broccoli and more. Now I am waiting on a great crop of tomatoes to ripen. 


Zumba


I have been to a few classes of the latest fitness craze, Zumba. It's been lots of fun even though I feel like my arms and legs are constantly going the wrong way. This is a big achievement for me as I have always been nervous about doing active things in groups. It feels good to be active and it is quite motivating in a group. I look forward to more of this in 2011 especially as my sister gave me a 10 class pass for my Christmas present. 


poetry


Earlier this year I attended a Speed Poetry Assessment at the library. What a great thing to do. I am glad I went and got some feedback on a couple of poems. From doing this I also found out about a new poetry group. I have been a couple of times and plan to go more in 2011. It is a difficult thing to get feedback on my writing but also very useful and motivating. It has lead to more writing and lots of revisions. 


return to teaching


Maybe when I was choosing the theme for 2010 I was thinking about what I wanted to do career-wise. I qualified as a teacher in 1994 and taught for a year and a bit before I had Alysha and then 4 years later, Brianna. It had been a very long time since I had been in a classroom as a teacher. I was very nervous to say the least. I put my forms in and announced my availability on August the 3rd. It was a bit later than what I had originally planned but at least it happened. On August the 4th I got my first day of work in a year one class. I didn't know at the time but this would turn out to be a very special class for me. I ended up getting a nine week contract for 4th term. It was challenging but a great experience. I really felt that it was the right place for me. I had certainly stepped into my life! 

one of many presents I received at the end of the year

I have been receiving Reverb10 prompts by email. Reverb 10 is an online project encouraging reflection on the past year and thinking about what's next. I haven't gotten around to writing much this time. Next time I hope to participate more. The prompt for December 27 was – 

"Ordinary Joy - Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year? (Author: Brené Brown)"

I am planning to write about this one. It will be hard to think of one joyful ordinary moment so I think I will write about many. So many occurred while I was teaching. How fantastic to have so much ordinary joy while working!

2010 has been a fantastic year. I wonder what treasures 2011 will bring? I am happy to accept those that simply come my way but I know I'll also be digging for more!

Happy New Year!

Love this! - cow picture by Alysha

Doing some tidying up around the house today. 


There's a lot to be done! 


I came across this picture Alysha drew sometime this year. 


Love it!

a hatching toy platypus

Brianna got a hatching egg toy from Alysha for Christmas. Inside is a toy platypus. 


We put it in water on Christmas Day morning. It looks so cute today poking out from the egg.

What a great present - $10 from the Australian Geographic shop. There were also emus and frilled neck lizards as well as dinosaur ones. 

It's January in 4 days!

Four days to go until January. 2010 has been a good year and I am looking forward to the start of a new one. 


As I have mentioned on here previously I am taking part in an online writing project during January - my form of new years resolution I think. Here is part of an email I received from the project facilitator, Fiona Robyn:

"Hello – I’m taking part in a new project starting on January the 1^st and I thought you might like to join me.
In an attempt to pay more attention, I will be noticing one thing properly every day (a bird eating berries, a child playing in the street) and writing it down. People from across the world will be joining me and we’ll be creating a ‘river’ of these short pieces of writing.

You can write them down in a notebook or on a blog – and it doesn’t matter if you’ve done any writing before or not. The purpose of the project is to help us to pay attention, and to start the year as we mean to go on.

If you’d like to join us find out more at http://ariverofstones.blogspot.com or emailfiona@fionarobyn.com for more information."

It would be great if you could join in too!

I will be putting my writing for this project on my other blog, pausing to pick up small stones. Please take a look. I have already written a few. It's been fun to practice without the pressure of doing one each day. (It has ended up that I have added one each day though!)

I am looking forward to this project beginning in four days!

Wylde Women's Daily Wisdom in my inbox

I love getting a daily piece of wisdom in my inbox from Tammy Vitale. I recommend visiting her site and signing up!


Two days ago this piece seemed almost to leap out of the screen when I opened it - 

QUICK!

Who are you today?

Are you the same as yesterday?

Who Might you be tomorrow?

It reminded my of this piece of artwork I made last year

If I tell you who I am today, does that mean that you know who I am tomorrow?


One thing I love about this piece is that I finished it completely in a couple of hours. I often take my time developing ideas for my art and I think that is great most of the time. But I do love that this was a more spontaneous piece. I made it during a session of a group I attended. We were exploring the use (both positive and negative) of masks in our lives . 

Boxing day - a Zhu Zhu track, mini cupcakes and a hatching egg

I've had rather a busy morning. Brianna woke up quite early, eager to play with some of her newly acquired toys. She wanted a track, like her cousin has, for her two new Zhu Zhu pets to play in. Zhu Zhu pets are interactive toy pets, about the size of a guinea pig or hamster. What started as a simple track quickly became more complicated. I was enjoying the design process. We worked together, trying out different ideas, solving problems and wishing we had some masking tape in the house. The result is a great play area for the two Zhu Zhu pets, Shamrock and Harlow, including doorways, ramps and a roundabout. I knew there was a reason for the recent collecting of various sized boxes and toilet rolls! There will be further adjustments later (especially when we have masking tape) and we hope to paint it too. For now, though, it should provide lots of fun. As Brianna said, 'It's fun to watch them.'

bird's eye view of the track

and from the front

Shamrock goes through a doorway

and around the roundabout!

Harlow pushes the door at the end of the tunnel

Harlow going through a doorway - that christmas decoration box came in handy

After the track designing we moved onto some mini cupcake making and trying out Brianna's new 'Fantastic Cupcake Maker'. We made some fantastic chocolate mini cupcakes.

We checked, too, on the expanding egg toy Brianna got for Christmas from Alysha. The egg is placed in water and in a day or so a toy platypus will 'hatch'. It's starting to crack a little this morning. 

snacks and a note for Santa

Brianna left these snacks and note out for Santa last night. She used Google to find out the names of the reindeer.

about two small stones

I have just posted two more small stones on my blog pausing to pick up small stones. I am participating in a river of stones during January and will post a small stone each day. I think that sometimes I will want to write a little more about the small stones and I will probably want to reflect upon my participation in the project. I will do that on this blog and keep pausing to pick up small stones for the storage of the small stones. 


Today I posted these two small stones:


breathe in 
wafting hopes 
and expand


   ---


dip into your past
splash around
dry off
and return


   ---


I wrote both of them a couple of days ago, so I am cheating a little. In January I plan that each stone I write will be posted on the day I write it. That, I think, I am going to find very challenging. I often like to sit with my writing for a while before sharing it, so writing and posting one a day is definitely going to be stepping outside of my comfort zone. I don't consider what I will post to be fabulous, finished writing but more of creative exercise that I am willing to share. I am hopeful of discovering some real gems though!


The second stone here came about when I was thinking about my new blog Silent Sometimes. I enjoy reflecting on the past without getting stuck there which is why I set up the new blog to reflect on some of my past experience and to keep this blog more in the present.


And one last thing to say right now...Happy Christmas eve!

My poems won't stand still

written yesterday/today

My poems won't stand still

I want my poems neat and tidy

Filed away

Together in a book

with dates as to when they appeared

My poems don't agree

They keep moving 

Shuffling words around

Sometimes whole lines go away

Invite other words to play

Joining together

Splitting apart

They just won't stay still

Some try to hide

Others scramble to be seen

My poems won't stand still

The December garden update

This free collage customized with Smilebox

Here are the December garden photos thanks to the fun that is Smilebox. There are tomatoes galore in the garden at the moment! The chilli pepper plant in the photo looks quite thirsty. It seems to be feeling better today thanks to some water, as well as the tomato plant next to it being tied to a stake. The celery seedling is still alive but hasn't grown much whereas the pumpkin (from the compost) has. And the most exciting news - there are baby worms in the worm farm! 

Also, thanks to advice from my dad I have removed the poisonous plant growing - Deadly Nightshade. 

This morning I've removed all of the Silverbeet which went to seed and now have a garden bed ready for some more planting. Hmmm, what to plant?

introducing... two new blogs

I have been blogging for a few months now. I was unsure exactly how this blog would turn out and decided to just start anyway. For a while I have been pondering the purpose of this blog and the direction it is taking. Should I keep everything I am blogging about together or divide it into categories or different blogs? Should I have a blog just for gardening, just for writing, etc. I'm still pondering much of this!


When I began blogging my major goal was to share some of my art/writing more than I was. That has certainly happened. Another of my major plans was to provide information about Selective Mutism and to write about how my experiences of struggles around talking have affected me. This is something I am still passionate about and I have quite a lot of writing from the past few years that I would still like to share. It seems, however, that this blog is taking a different path. This blog is more about how my life is now rather than how things were in the past. I would really like this to remain the case.


In order to share my experiences and insights around Selective Mutism I have started another blog called Silent Sometimes. Feel free to visit!


Recently too I signed up to participate in the International small stones writing project. I hope to write a small stone ("a very short piece of writing that precisely captures a fully-engaged moment" - Fiona Robyn) each day in January and have started another blog to store the stones. Feel free to visit pausing to pick up small stones. 

Reindeer cooking fun

biscuits made by Brianna

Last Sunday was craft day. Today was cooking day with Mel, Lou, Kate, Berto, Teya, Alysha and Brianna. The theme of this Christmas seems to be reindeers (more specifically - Rudolph). 

I also made these little puddings - a marshmallow covered in chocolate and placed in a tiny patty pan. 

Kate decorated these biscuits - gorgeous!

and thankyou to Mel for the cute little packages containing everything I need to make some more felt reindeer. 

Old memory, new poem

This poem was born today! It is, as yet, unnamed.


orange dirt swirls 
in my washing machine
revealing paisley patterns


earlier that day
a knock on my door
a washing request
powder supplied


the old man's shirt
dug from the ground
no cupboard
no bedroom
he has no house

Holiday feet

This poem was inspired by childhood memories of summer holidays. I wrote it on the 4th of January this year. 


Holiday feet


Coated in carpets of prickles
Fat from meeting with bee
Covered in gritty, grainy sand
Set free by wriggling toes
Pelting across hot bitumen
Poked out from single sheets
Night after night after hot, hot night
These are my holiday feet
And soon they'll be cocooned again
Soon, they'll be back-to-school feet

NaSmaStoMo - I'm participating!

I discovered Fiona Robyn's blog a small stone a while ago and have had the widget on the sidebar here for a while. I haven't written very many myself but hope to change this in January. I am planning to participate in NaSmaStoMo. For more information about this project, click the badge on the sidebar or the link at the bottom of this post. Last year I had the idea to photograph one beautiful thing close to home each day throughout January and then turn them into a collage. Maybe I will combine this with writing small stones. I have a while to think about what my approach will be.

Here's part of a message I received through facebook about this project:


"Better than January resolutions... 'a river of stones' is an international project organised by Fiona Robyn to encourage people to engage with the world through writing a short observational piece every day during January. Click to find out more, and join us!"


http://ariverofstones.blogspot.com/

A tomato surprise

The garden is growing a little wildly at the moment. I have been checking the tomatoes regularly and noticing lots of new fruit but I was surprised this afternoon to catch a glimpse of red - a perfectly formed tomato. The first one! It's a rather small Roma tomato - hope it tastes as good as it smells. There was also another one which was a bit yucky on the bottom - the worms will get to feast too!

The Christmas tree is up!

Brianna and I put the Christmas tree up today. It looks great. It is not the most elaborately decorated but we love it anyway. I thought about getting a new tree this year (Alysha thinks ours is suffering from anorexia) but decided to stick with the one we have for another year. I'm quite attached to it I think having bought it when Alysha was a baby. I love all the memories that come flooding back when putting the decorations on. The craft from kindy and school, decorations given as presents, decorations bought when on holidays. 

Rediscovered these decorations that Brianna made last year - one at school and one at home. 

HOLIDAYS - what to do first?

It's school holiday time! I have lots of plans - reading, writing, gardening, craft! All of those things I haven't had time to do over the past few weeks. I am really looking forward to doing them over the next few weeks. Of course there is also spending time with Alysha and Brianna, both at home as well as some day trips. Maybe Greenhills. Maybe Challenge Hill. Maybe the zoo. Maybe the movies. Maybe the beach. There's also the more mundane - I hope to get the house better organised and in a state where it is possible to relax at home. 
I have made a good start to the holidays with the poetry group on Saturday and craft on Sunday! One of my major goals for these school holidays is to do up and mosaic an old table and chairs I found in the backyard just after we moved here. It's something I have planned to do for a while. Maybe writing about it here will assist with it actually happening...

Reindeer craft fun

I had lots of fun this afternoon making little felt reindeers. I will probably attach a ribbon loop so they can hang on the christmas tree when I finally put it up this year. Here are the two I made - 

I have named the blue one Smurf. The brown one is unnamed as yet. Any suggestions?

Alysha made this one!

  and this little cutie was made by Brianna.

This one is Petal, made by Mel.

and here are the two made by Lou (all ready to hang on the tree).

Here is the one made by Kate, having fun in the Frangipani tree.

and finally my personal favourite, made by Teya with help from Kate...

I love how we all followed basically the same process yet they are all slightly different - and all really, really cute.

Set goals...

Set goals........and always remember to carry loads of courage and kindness. I am feeling pretty proud of myself. I did go along to the poetry group today and I did read my two poems as planned. Well done to me!

I have been thinking about how I have been able to be successful recently at things that I wasn't able to do in the past. I spent a lot of time in the past setting goals - meeting some and not others. What was missing I think was kindness towards myself. I was very hard on myself when I failed to meet one of my own goals. A lot of my goals I set were around talking and I failed to meet many of them. I wanted to talk in groups but just couldn't seem to do it. I was always very disappointed with myself but this didn't seem to help in any way. It was only when I started offering kindness to myself that things slowly started to shift.

Knowing that I will be kind to myself regardless of whether I meet my goals has actually resulted in me successfully meeting more goals.

So...I am glad that I managed to do what I wanted to today but I like to think I would now be offering kindness to myself if it had not worked out so well. There will always be more opportunities to meet goals with the help of courage and kindness.

Poems ready!

I am planning to be brave today. I have just prepared copies of 2 poems to take to the poetry group today. Last time I went I didn't feel ready to share my writing but today I really want to (as scary as I know it will probably feel at the time!)

The two I have prepared are called 'Saying No' and 'Traffic lights of my life'. Wishing myself luck!

Saying No

Listen

Listen when she says no

With her bold, blazing eyes

Stiff body and strong vocal cords

One day you may wonder

If your sweet little girl

Is really some fierce and terrible creature

You may question where her love has gone

Whether she still loves you

She does

Just listen

Listen when she says no

And if you can’t allow her wish

Let her know you heard

Too many little girls

Grow into women

Who can’t say no

Or see nothing wrong

With ‘no’ being silent

To a loved one’s ears

Glue that fails to adhere

Please listen

Listen when she says no

For when she can say ‘no’

And know that she is heard

Then her ‘yes’ will truly mean yes

And if her life requires

The punctuation of a space

There’s ‘maybe’ and ‘later’ and ‘not right now’

When she knows that ‘no’ is no

She will learn to say

What it is she really means

So listen

Listen when she says no

Traffic lights of my life

These questions, they constantly form in my mind

Hold no respect for the traffic lights of my life

I have no wish to intrude upon

Nor hurt the feelings of another

But when the light is red they are rife

Inside my head they push every boundary

Jostle with each other like a couple of young sons

The questions are there

Always the wrong place

The wrong person

The wrong time

The light is red!

Then the light turns green

And I am asked

“Do you have any questions?”

Suddenly they are gone

Nowhere to be found

Congratulations Brianna!

Picture slideshow customized with Smilebox

Reverb 10 - my approach

At this time of year I like to reflect on how the year has been for me and think about what I would like for the new year. Rather than making new years resolutions, I have had a theme for each year for the past few years - beginning 2006 I think. Maybe I will write a bit more about that on here sometime. I am just beginning to think about what the theme may be for 2011. 


The other day I stumbled across a fantastic blog called Reverb 10. Actually I found it through a link on Patti Digh's blog, 37 days. Every day in December an author posts a prompt to encourage reflection on 2010 and looking forward to 2011. Immediately I decided I would like to be a part of it but wasn't entirely sure what my approach would be. Especially as I am feeling rather time poor at the moment and not sure that I can commit to posting something every day. I put the badge to indicate my participation in the sidebar of this blog and began thinking about the first prompt. I did a little writing in my journal. The next day's prompt helped to consolidate what my approach to this project will be. It was the December 2 prompt: 


December 2 – Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it? (Author: Leo Babauta)


One thing that I do know doesn't contribute to my writing is too much worry about audience. This can even stop me from getting started and affects the quality of my writing I am sure. Thinking about audience is very important when writing and I am keen to share my writing more widely. However for this project I am wanting to really uncover what I want and to do this I need to let go of worrying about what others may think if they read it. For that reason I have decided that I will respond to each prompt. Hopefully it will be on the date posted (or the next day actually due to the time difference between America and Australia) but I don't want to put too much pressure on myself and will do it after if necessary. I will respond to each prompt in my personal diary and maybe with some art creations as well as writing. I will respond to each prompt without worry about what others might think if they read/saw it. Depending on how I go it is likely that I will share some of my writing/art on here but that is not my main intention.


I am looking forward to my further participation in Reverb 10. It should be fun as well as challenging.